Kate Roxburgh
My thoughts on the Universe, and Unusual Train Rides.
HAPPY 2013.
mY nEW nEW years rESOLUTIONS:
We all have unrealised goals and dreams. This is my year to realise those dreams.
Dream 1: To pounce on a Snow Leopard when it is least expecting it (not that it would ever expect that so any time to pounce is a good time, as it is always at it's optimum value in that respect.) Please note, a Snow Leopard is an endangered species and I would never hurt it - all this would be done in good fun.
Check back for more unexpected New Years Resolutions, and a poem reflecting on these resolutions, looking back at the opening minutes of 2013.
But first an amazing fact followed by a story for underprivileged children and also homeless pets.
Amazing Fact: The average life span of an earth worm is 6 years in the wild .
JOKE OF THE DAY:
A woman walked into a bar. Her friend was sitting down looking a bit sad. "Why the long face?" Inquired the woman.
"My horse just died" replied her friend.
Story: COLIN FARGROVE AND THE STOLEN SHOES.
As I boarded the train for Stuttgart [German pronunciation: [ˈʃtʊtɡaɐ̯t] ( listen),]
I caught the eye of a man. It was a glass eye. It was a lucky catch. As I carefully handed back his eye, the man held my gaze as if to say 'hello, my name is Colin Fargrove'. I moved away, unnerved by the real elephant on the train: his inability to achieve true depth perception. Then, as though he had seen right through me he spoke: "Hello, my name is Colin Fargrove." Fearing he would hamper me on this long
journey with funny anecdotes about his childhood, I looked down at his feet. "I see you like my shoes, he muttered - they're stolen" .....
... To be continued*
*a cliff hangar
joke of the week:
I forgot Remembrance Day
And Now Some Amazing Historical References on Wool:
Between 300 and 100 BC the Persians did things with wool we can only dream of. Then came the Romans who built a magnificent empire and a wool plant in Winchester.
Meanwhile the Saracens conquered Spain and the English invited Flemish people to tea.
The wool industry thrived. Exciting times lay ahead indeed - such as the Spinning Jenny and the water powered Loom, resulting in colourful woolen bonnets worn mainly by people.
Wool continues to be worn today.
SELF HELP CORNER:
People are always asking me for advice, and I'm shit at it. I should run a self help workshop, take everyone's money and then say "why are you asking me? It's called 'Self Help'. Now work it out!"
'A Day to be Remembered' - by k roxburgh
Little Miss Busy Bee, refusing a backwards jump at the fancy dress dog agility event, went tumbling into Ms Hargroves Cake A-Doodle-Do baking display, causing untold damage.
As luck would have it, the Kent Air Ambulance Brigade were close at hand. These were men who had no time for tom-foolery.
SAFETY TIPS OF THE DAY:
A JELLY FISH, FROZEN WITH FEAR, CAN STILL BE DANGEROUS IF INNOCENTLY MISTAKEN FOR A USEFUL PIECE OF PERSPEX.
BUT FIRST, SOME ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Dorothy Elizabeth Hume, a friend and neighbour, is the center of controversy this week as her Grade II Victorian villa becomes home to an art exhibition featuring fragmented wooden wardrobe fragranced hangars (making a reappearance after their success in 2001), and Nikki Holden's funky fabric Japanese Inspired Ceramics - comprised of recycled jewelry from the Megan Edwards collection.
Thanks Megan for doing your bit for the environment!